Neurotype – A New Photographic Process
From Pradip Malde & Mike Ware
We are pleased to announce an exciting newly-invented iron-based
printing process, which we are today offering to the alternative
photographic process community.
It makes use of the recent scientific discovery that human brain
tissue may accumulate deposits of reactive, neurotoxic iron(III) salts:
1) Drink regular daily amounts of citrus fruit juice, iron tonic, and
colloidal gold dietary supplement. (see http://www.goldcolloidal.com/ )
2) In the dark, practice lengthy Yoga headstands in order to promote
gravitational sedimentation of the carboxylic acids and metal ions,
forming a sub-cranial deposit of cerebral iron(III) photosensitizer.
3) Carefully shave your scalp (this step may be omitted by the
follically-challenged, and tonsured monks).
4) Tape a photographic negative to the top of your head – emulsion
down, of course.
5) Stand in the sun for 30 minutes, with your hat removed, in order
to print-out a truly conceptual art-work. See illustration.
6) To secure an archival neurotype, the final processing step is,
necessarily, thorough brainwashing.
The Neurotype is designed especially for those alternative
practitioners who are susceptible to degenerative brain disorders,
such as Poissondavril’s Syndrome.
PS. The authors have also developed a camera-speed version of this
process which will revolutionise photography; the secret will be
divulged to selected practitioners only, on payment of an agreed fee.
This version is called neurotype rex.